'I don't feel like I am meeting her needs and vice versa': New pawrent questions if his new shelter cat is a purrfect match after bringing home an energetic furball instead of the calm companion he’d hoped for

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jun 26, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

This hopeful guy went searching for a calm, lazy feline at a shelter to fit his busy lifestyle, but fate had other plans. Instead of the mellow 3-5 year old he intended to adopt, he met a lively year-old firecracker who instantly claimed her throne at home. This little meowtropolis queen is anything but shy. She's zooming, playing hard, and chatting up a storm. Her smarts shine as she effortlessly opens drawers and remembers every toy's secret stash.

But here's the catch: the nonstop energy and vocal demands are overwhelming for her new pawrent, and allergy season isn't making things easier. Despite allergy meds and allergy-friendly shampoo, sinus struggles persist. This new pawrent feels guilty about possibly not meeting her needs and wonders if returning her is the right move. The shelter's open paws policy means a hassle-free return if needed, but the thought of it tugs at his heartstrings.

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, not every cat and hooman match is purrfect. It's a tough call, but prioritizing the cat's happiness and wellbeing is the true sign of a caring pawrent.

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    'This poor cat ended up somewhere potentially not ideal for her'
    via Arina Krasnikova from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I went to a shelter in LA, NKLA, and had the goal of adopting a 3-5 year old cat with a calm, lazy demeanor. I work a lot, go to the gym about 8 hours a week, see friends and am a single man in his 30s who sometimes feels there aren't enough hours in the day already. But I love cats, had a cat I loved for many years I don't have anymore and thought I could offer a calm and peaceful home.
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    I went to the shelter with 3 cats circled in my mind who all fit the description. When learning about them, one had a major urination problem, across multiple prior adoptions, one had a heart problem, and one was very stand- offish at the shelter so I shyed away. I was going to leave but saw
    via Biggest_also_Largest
  • 04
    another cat making eye contact with me through her pen. She was 1 year, 8 months, beautiful, and when let out of her enclosure was calm and friendly. I was very set to adopt that day and I thought, maybe this is a sign. So I adopted her.
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    Cheezburger Image 10521928704
    via I.Wierink-van Wetten / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    As soon as I got home she changed. This cat is not shy. She owns the home in the first hour. She is bouncing off the walls, needs Hours of play a day and when she plays she plays hard and fast. She is beyond talkative, in a way I've never seen a cat talk before. Shes almost too smart in
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    Cheezburger Image 10521931520
    via Nils Jacobi / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    that she opens drawers and knows where all of her stuff is after the first day and doesn't forget. Half of the time when she talks is the downright saddest noises I've ever heard and it stresses me out. On top of that I've had a medium-mild allergy reaction to her often
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    resulting in constant sinus pressure. Note: I'm taking Allegra daily, and just purchased her Purina Live Clear food and Shampoo to help lower the allergic component of her dander, if possible.
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    Either way, I wanted a calm, lazy 4 year old and I got a 1 1/2 year old fire starter and I don't feel like I am meeting her needs and vice versa. The idea of returning a cat seems repulsive but I am thinking maybe I need to get over that here because we just aren't the right fit.
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    Have you been in this situation? How do you feel about mine? Would taking her back to the shelter be okay? Please note, The shelter said they would gladly, without any issue take her back if I needed to and it wouldn't even prevent me from getting another cat if she wasnt the right fit.
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    I just feel awful I made the wrong call and this poor cat ended up somewhere potentially not ideal for her. PLEASE NOTE: I am not getting a second cat... I am not getting a second cat... I am not getting a second cat... I am not getting a second cat...
    via Biggest_also_Largest
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    Appropriate_Okra... Hey friend, please give yourself some compassion. Adopting an animal is a BIG life change and it's very normal to have feelings of doubt and regret. I have had those feelings every time I've brought a new pet in. Even
    via Appropriate_Okra5189
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    though I know it happens, that doesn't get me out from under the doubts, worries, regrets, or fears about how they will fit into my life. Very rarely does any pet turn out to be exactly 100% what we envisioned for ourselves-and almost always, they become who we need and love. A few things come to mind for me based off of your story:
    via Appropriate_Okra5189
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    . • This cat has been in a shelter environment for a period of time. However long that may be, that means she has been in a tightly contained space with the sounds, smells, sights, and maybe presence of many other cats/animals. When is the last time she felt
    via Appropriate_Okra5189
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    safe enough and had the space to really stretch out and play? An energy burst in her new quiet, spacious home sounds totally normal.
    via Appropriate_Okra5189
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    • She is also quite young. Kitten behavior like that lasts a while and while it's not what you had in mind for now, it is temporary. Like everyone else will tell you here, a buddy cat would likely be a huge help for her-but if it's not in the cards, that doesn't mean she won't mellow out and find her routines.
    via Appropriate_Okra5189
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    • Four days is a very short amount of time for her and for you. I'd love for you both to have more time to adjust. You felt called to her at the shelter and I think there's something worth exploring and investing time into.
    via Appropriate_Okra5189

  • Sounds like she’s just thrilled to be out of the shelter and finally has room to zoom! Give her a little time to adjust. She’s still settling into her new furrever home. 

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    Snowy Sasquatch I would give it longer than four days. She's still settling in and is probably clingy and needy because she has been in a rescue centre. Give her a few weeks and see how things settle from there.
    via Snowy_Sasquatch
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    strawbewwysoda Every cat needs attention and company, there's this misconception that you can leave a cat alone and it'll be fine but that's really not the case. You work full time, gym, and go out, I think she's very under stimulated and pretty young already. But just
    via strawbewwysoda
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    wondering, why not a second cat? Aside from the additional costs in food and litter, they don't necessarily take up more space and they'll keep each other entertained while you're out living.
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    DarkHorseAsh111 You've had this animal for FOUR DAYS. You have to give them more time to decompress and settle in.
    via DarkHorseAsh111
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    Littlebit1013 Her behavior is normal; she's a young cat in her teen years. Most cats become more relaxed and lazy at the age of 2 or 3 years. For now, store any items that can be broken or knocked down. Get a Lazer pointer and play with her for 10 - 20 minutes to tire her out in the evening.
    via Littlebit1013

  • She’s just a baby with tons of zoomie energy! Try tiring her out with wand toys, balls, and lots of playtime. She’ll be a purrfect cuddle bug after playtime.

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    JustHappyToBeHer... Hate to break it to you, but she's a great candidate for a second cat friend. I have one lazy sleepy cat who wants to cuddle all day, and one firecracker who is the feline equivalent of a banshee. They balance each other out well. Also the banshee calmed down a bit after she turned 3.
    via JustHappyToBeHere200
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    FlyByNight1383 The 3-3-3 rule is pretty helpful. We use it in adoption in rescue. 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to learn your routine, 3 months to start to build trust and feel at home. Not judging you by the way friend. The cat you have today may be a completely different cat in 3 months. Plus all the room and an actual home is proablly pretty exciting.
    via FlyByNight1383

  • Give her some time to decompress. Four days is a short period of time! Stick it out a bit longer and you might find she settles in and reveals her true purrsonality.

     

     

     

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    LotusGrowsFromM... It's perfectly ok to return her and get a cat that is a better fit. I'd encourage you to try a senior cat, since you need some that is lazier and more low energy than this one.
    via LotusGrowsFromMud

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Cats shelter adopted cat owners pawrents kitten feline pets advice
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